I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
