You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My vagina just recognized that song.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
