the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
