I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
