True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
