I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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