i used baking grease as lip gloss
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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