We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
