help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
