Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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