idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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