I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
