No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
