Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
love makes seman taste better
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
