Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
