He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
