left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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