some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
