i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
