my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
