Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
