My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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