i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
