I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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