Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
