when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
