I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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