I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
