She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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