don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
