I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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