taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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