i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm too high and old for this...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
