Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
