escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
