just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
