I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
