Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
