You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
