you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
