I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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