The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
