hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
