Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
