Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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