thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
