Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
