bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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