Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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