I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
