I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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