ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Randomize
