I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
