I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have feelings that need drinking.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
