ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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